Are you alt-right?

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So a couple of days ago, I came across a short discussion in the comment section of a Reddit post, where one of the two participants was a member of the Alternative Right (Alt-Right for short). For the benefit of those who are not in the know, the Alt-Right is a political movement/philosophy that originated in the US in 2010. The very core of the movement is its rejection of mainstream conservatism, because mainstream conservatism is not radical enough for them. I think that should give you an idea about the sort of things they believe in when it comes to various societal and political issues.

     I can’t confidently tell you whether the Alt-Righter in the above-mentioned comment section discussion is a fellow or a lady, but I think it’s safe to assume the former, for the following reason: The overwhelming majority of Alt-Righters are men; men who want to see feminism die. Bearing that in mind, being a female Alt-Righter would be political masochism to say the least (which is not to say there can be no female Alt-Righters, of course). Now let’s get to the actual discussion (the Alt-Righter made only three comments, but each of them is a gold mine).

     Firstly, our fellow writes: „Debate me anytime. I’ll be studying philosophy with a minor in economics (Honours program), so I’ve got a strong understanding of this stuff.“ Sorry to tell you, but that’s not really how it works. The fact that you’re going to study philosophy and economics some time in the future does not automatically give you all the knowledge you might acquire at university. It’s very well possible that you have a decent understanding of philosophical and economic matters, but those would in no way be linked to higher education. Sorry if I’m pernickety, but that’s sort of what philosophy is about.

     The other commenter replies to the Alt-Righter by saying he’s not going to meet up with some „self-described high-school kid from the internet“, to which he then replies: „I’m not in Highschool. While I’ve yet to attend a University (liberal brain-washing camp), I’ve got a Masters level education.“ Well, his first comment definitely makes more sense now, though there are two things I’m rather intrigued by.

     For starters, if you’re delusional enough to believe you basically have a degree without having been to university, why only attribute yourself a Master’s? Why not treat yourself to a PhD? All it takes is a few more false inferences and a tad of wishful thinking, and there you go! You can now consider yourself a Philosophiae Doctor!

     The second thing I’m curious about is that, since you know that all universities are nothing but liberal brainwash camps, why are you going, mate? You’ve found us out. It’s all absolutely one hundred per cent true. Every single university on the entire planet is secretly united with all others by one ultimate mission, which is to liberalise every single student that sets foot on a university campus using whatever means prove most effective. If a student displays even the most hesitant sympathy for any conservative or libertarian view, we simply have to intervene. And sometimes there is little choice but to resort to brainwashing. And we’re pretty damn good at it, let me tell you. We’re like Scientology, but better. Wanna know why? Because no one even knows about all the messed up things we do to win people over. Well, I guess you know, which brings me back to my initial question: why the hell are you going to university? No matter what institution you’re going to attend, me and my fellow liberals will look for you, we will find you, and we will convert you. I want you to know there is absolutely no way for you to escape our brainwashing. You may feel completely safe on your first night on campus, but I can assure you that as soon as you’ve dozed off, a couple of my comrades will have sneaked into your room, tied your arms and legs to the bed posts, stuffed your mouth with a dirty, old rag, and before you know it, someone’s reading Marx to you, over and over again, and there’s nothing you can do. Muhahaha!

      Now to his last comment, where in response to being questioned about his education, he writes: „Needless to say, I don’t possess a Masters Degree (I didn’t mean for it to come across that way). However, with my intelligence and research in economics and philosophy (specifically, Metaphysics), I’ve got a Masters Level education/understanding of these things. Also, for what it’s worth, I’m in an INTJ on the MBTI (Myers briggs Type Indicator), which concludes that I’m adept at logic and reasoning; Hence why I’m a member of the alt-right.“

     Alt-Right. Alt-Right. Is it just me or is our political landscape increasingly hard to distinguish from the world of niche music genres? You’ve got Alt-Right, you’ve got Prog-Liberalism, you’ve got Classical Liberalism. What’s next, Fourth-Rave Feminism? Come to think of it, the music-genre analogy actually makes a lot of sense, because the people who are so enamoured with a particular political philosophy as to perceive it as part of their identity are probably the same people who will categorically refuse to hear any music that transgresses their personal preference. But let’s get back to the main issue.

     I’m not so sure that becoming an Alt-Righter is a valid conclusion to draw here. It’s hard to tell given the sheer number of implicit premises in your argument. Actually, your argument isn’t even technically an argument. What you’ve provided here is one premise and a conclusion. Unfortunately, in an argument you need two premises to be able to draw a conclusion. Then again, it looks like these technicalities need not concern you. Why bother with drawing conclusions when you can just jump to them, amirite?

     What upsets me the most about the Alt-Right movement is its rejection of the pursuit of equality on the basis that it’s an ideology, and, of course, all ideologies are bad and harmful. All I can say here is: have a look in the fucking mirror, people! You tell me which of the two following views is more ideological: the view a good society is one where all human beings are to be seen and treated as equals, and inequalities of opportunity between human beings should be addressed, or the view that a good world is one in which, among other things, white people are superior to people of a different skin colour, men are intrinsically superior to women, and women are the property of men.

      To all Alternative Right members who hold abhorrent views like the one outlined just above, if you’re such experts in philosophy—a lot of them unfortunately claim to be—, then you’ll definitely be familiar with Occam’s razor. Now I don’t want to be too graphic here, so suffice it to say I can think of an alternative way for you to make use of it.


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