If you’re looking to acquire some basic programming skills, the Internet offers literally hundreds of different ways for you to achieve just that. Among all the websites that offer programming tutorials, there is none quite like Codebabes. Codebabes differentiates itself from other platforms in that it does not try to hide the fact that it has a very distinct target demographic in mind. Need I specify what its target demographic is? Probably not. I think one need only consider the name of the enterprise and the titles of their series of tutorials: Internet virgin, SEO virgin, Programming virgin with JavaScript, PHP virgin, and Android virgin. Spotted a common denominator there?

  The way these programming programmes work is that you watch a batch of tutorials where a hot chick teaches you some stuff about about programming. Then you take a test. If you pass said test—thus documenting your increased understanding of a particular programming language—the tutor rewards you by removing an item of clothing from her body for your next set of lessons. What a concept!

  There are more than a handful of criticisms that could be directed against Codebabes, most of which belong to the category of practical ethics. However, rather than focusing on issues of female objectification and the like, I will offer some purely pragmatic criticisms of Codebabes’ services.

  This may come as a shock to about ten people in the entire world, but I don’t think being aroused is at all helpful to concentration and the intake of information. This is as much a matter of evolution as it is a matter of blood flow. To express it in the lingo of programmers, it’s very hard to learn C++ when your C is ++. Codebabes is advertised as the best of both worlds, and may appear at first to be just that, but it is in fact quite the opposite. As far as learning platforms go, Codebabes definitely isn’t among the best. The information you’re taught is pretty basic, rather like the women that impart it. What puts me off a lot more is the patronising, faux-sexy tone and the noticeable despair for innuendos. The cringe is strong with this one.

  Moving on to the undoubtedly worst part: You won’t even get to see full nudity. Underwear is as far as you’ll get, which, apart from being a huge let-down, is rather astonishing given how easily you can access much more exciting material basically everywhere else on the Internet (this one’s specifically for you, dear teenage boys: The bolt-on-tits bimbo of your dreams is only a few clicks away. That is the true beauty of the Internet. Also, even if you think your desires may be a tad too particular to type into the Pornhub search bar, just remember rule 34: if it exists, there is porn of it).

  I said at the beginning that I wasn’t going to comment about moral considerations, but since this article, so far, has turned out a bit shorter than I would like it to be, I’ll say some words about the word babe. It weirds me out. I very much like erotic models to be of age and for them to be referred to in a way that evidences the fact that they are. ‘Girl’ instead of ‘woman’ is in many cases already quite bad if you think about it. However, if you ask me, it’s got nothing on ‘babe’ or, worse still, ‘baby’. Utterances like ‘Oh yeah, baby, fuck me!’ make me severely uncomfortable. ‘Yeah, baby! Cum inside me!’ Let that sink in for a second. Unless you’re a woman who is outspokenly positive about wanting to produce offspring, this is just a weird-as-fuck thing to yell. Now I don’t know if you agree or not, but I’m a bit freaked out by mankind for having sexualised the word ‘baby’ to this extent.

  Anyway, I could conclude this article by calling for a backlash against Codebabes, but given that, at the time of writing, Codebabes is already three years old and has had its deserved share of media outrage, I will opt for a different conclusion; one that is more in line with the rest of the article. I would like to make a plea: To those men who, despite its undeniable drawbacks, buy into the Codebabes philosophy, please make sure that, in the heat of the moment, you don’t confuse dong and dongle.

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